Ok fine, I admit it. I finally told him how I feel, and he said that if only he hasn't got into a messy life like he has now. he might already told me his feelings. darn it! i didnt expect much, really. just wanna try this foolish thing to make him produce a small smile. i mean, at that time, he sounds like he was so wasted. i know i'm pretty stupid to jeopardizing my own pride, but oh well, i thought at that moment, that pride got nothing to do with an intention to make a person smile.

arghhh, then after that things got a little bit weird. i started to feel sad, and foolish. confused and proud at the same time. oh dear heart, please dont fail me know. courage dont desert me. i need all the toughness i can get, all the boldness, and all the ready-to-get-hurt mentality. so akward how you can prepare yourself to get hurt, even long before you might be. precautious doesnt work, doing what it right at that point of time, is the one that wont make you regret. i guess nobody will ever understand what i'm writing here. more over with the pink text that i haven't change. just cant find that right tag!!

i hate being courted with unsincerely motives, btw...